There’s a vision I hold for my life, and it no longer includes being remembered for being a martyr.
I don't want my children to grow up saying, “My mom was so strong because of everything she survived.” Instead, I would want them to say, “My mom was so happy, so peaceful. We had so much fun and love in our lives.” For as long as I can remember, I’ve operated in a state of doing, creating, making, and forcing—a very masculine energy that's aligned with capitalism and patriarchy. I’ve poured myself into every task, every dream, every attempt to build the life I desire. When I’m constantly in this energy, I end up feeling exhausted, dejected, and disillusioned because I’m so focused on things working out exactly the way I envision them, and that is a recipe for disappointment. When thing things I’m trying to create don’t come to fruition, I’m left questioning everything: Am I chasing the wrong things? Am I not worthy of the life I dream about? But when I pause and reflect, I see the truth: It’s not that nothing has worked out; it’s that life has been working for me in ways I didn’t initially recognize. Throughout my overachieving life that hasn't gone according to (my) plan, I’ve gained invaluable clarity. I’ve iterated on ideas, honed my vision, and learned what aligns with the life I want to experience and what doesn’t. Even though my business doesn't look exactly like I want it to or I haven’t found a loving partner (yet), I’ve been deeply supported in other ways. I’ve built and strengthened friendships, found the right place for me to live, gotten healthier, and just generally felt better about life. Through these experiences, I’ve realized that growth really about achieving—it’s about who we become in the process. And right now, I’m learning to embody a truth that I know on a soul level: We are all one, fully sourced and supported by a divine source, and guided toward our highest good when we allow it, no matter what is happening or not happening in our lives. So what does it mean to "allow"? Allowing isn’t about giving up or letting life happen to us. It’s about surrendering to the flow of life, trusting that the universe is conspiring in our favor, and making space for divine timing. Take driving in traffic as an example (some of my best analogies come to me while driving 🤣). Have you ever switched lanes repeatedly, trying to outsmart the flow, only to end up right next to the car you passed minutes ago? It can be maddening! Sometimes, the harder we try to control the outcome, the more stuck we feel. When we relax and trust that we’ll get to our destination, we conserve energy, reduce stress, and often arrive more peacefully. Life is like that traffic. Yes, we have agency to make choices, but when we overdo it—constantly switching lanes, questioning our path, or trying to force results—we end up feeling frustrated and disillusioned. Allowing doesn’t mean we stop moving altogether; it means we tune into what feels right, take intentional action, and trust the rest to unfold in the way and timing it’s meant to. As purpose-driven women, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overdoing. American society celebrates productivity, hustle, and achievement (all associated with masculine energy*). But the feminine energies* of allowing, receiving, and being are equally important, especially for those of us seeking to create lives filled with joy, ease, and love. (*A quick note on feminine and masculine energies: this isn't a comment on gender expression. We all have access to both energies and must embody them both for a balanced life.) For example, think about planting a garden. You can till the soil, plant seeds, and water them. But you can’t force the plants to grow. Growth happens in the quiet, unseen moments—when the seeds are allowed to rest, germinate, and be nourished by the earth. Your role is to create the conditions for growth and then trust the process. One of the challenges of allowing is that it feels counterintuitive in today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world. Social media pulls us into comparison mode, and our negativity bias (an ancient survival mechanism) tempts us to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right. But how can we cultivate practices that support us in allowing more, like mindfulness meditation and gratitude, without turning them into yet another to-do list item, which would be antithetical to the concept of allowing? Balance. While some structure is necessary to guide our focus, especially as we start out, true mindfulness (which is necessary in order to allow) arises from being present with what is. For instance, instead of forcing a daily gratitude practice, try simply pausing throughout your day to notice moments of joy or connection. Maybe it’s the warmth of your morning coffee, a kind word from a friend, or the way the sunlight filters through the trees. Gratitude doesn’t have to be written down or planned—it can be felt in real-time. Similarly, mindfulness can be woven into daily activities. Washing dishes can become a meditation on the sensation of water on your hands. Walking can become a practice of noticing the rhythm of your breath. Leave your headphones at home and allow yourself to be fully present to what you’re doing in the moment. These moments of presence help anchor you in the now, where peace and trust reside. Ultimately, allowing is about discerning when to act and when to let go. It’s knowing when to switch lanes and when to stay put. It’s trusting that even when the road feels slow, you’re still moving forward. So next time you’re stuck in traffic—literally or metaphorically—remember this: You don’t have to fight your way through. Choose your lane, trust the flow, and know that you’ll arrive exactly where you’re meant to be. Life isn’t a race; it’s a journey, and the beauty lies in the unfolding. By embracing the art of allowing, we can reclaim our peace, reconnect with the divine, and create lives filled with ease and alignment. Let’s stop forcing and start flowing. After all, the destination isn’t just where we’re headed—it’s how we feel along the way.
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Baby steps will take you to the top of Mount Everest as long as you keep taking them. - Mary Morissey Imagine this (or maybe you don’t need to imagine because you’ve been living it): You’re tired, frustrated, and stuck, so you finally decide to make a change and now you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Inspired, you commit to eating better, exercising daily, overhauling your sleep routine, drinking more water, and, well, changing everything at once. You dive in headfirst, energized by the possibilities. But then, reality sets in. The excitement starts to wane. The changes feel overwhelming. You miss a day, then another, and before long, you’re back to square one. Sound familiar? I’ve been there, and let me tell you—it’s not your fault. The problem isn’t you; it’s the approach. When I first started my own journey to better health, I fell into the same trap: all-or-nothing thinking. I’d decide to get back to working out, so I’d go hard at the gym for my first workout back. Then, I’d be so sore for days that I couldn’t move, and when my body finally recovered and was ready for another workout, my mind was over it. Or I’d start a really strict diet and last for maybe a month (usually way less) and then give up and binge all the foods I’d deprived myself of while on the diet. I’d try to overhaul my entire lifestyle, only to end up frustrated and burned out. It wasn’t until I embraced a different mindset that things started to shift. The key? Starting small. By breaking big goals into tiny, manageable steps, I found a way to make progress without feeling overwhelmed. This approach leverages neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt and form new connections. When we try to do too much at once, our brains literally don’t have the capacity to focus on all the new things we’re trying to do. When we focus on small, consistent actions, our brains gradually rewire to support new habits. Here’s what I learned: Lasting change isn’t about doing everything perfectly from day one. It’s about doing something—anything—and sticking with it. At the start of 2024, I set a goal to improve my nutrition. My goal was to plan and prep two meals per week. Pretty simple, but not necessarily easy. This is what I had to take into account:
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “The process of building habits is the process of becoming yourself.” Each habit you adopt is like a suggestion for your identity. Do you like the person you’re becoming? Meaningful change doesn’t require radical shifts. Instead, small habits provide evidence of your new identity. Bit by bit, these micro-evolutions compound into significant transformation. One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned through this process is that there’s no finish line in the journey to better health. The goal isn’t to achieve perfection overnight; it’s to make steady, meaningful progress over time. There’s no final destination except for the end of life, so why rush? By focusing on long-term progress rather than short-term wins, you free yourself from the pressure to "fix" everything right now. Instead, you can enjoy the journey and celebrate small victories along the way. Remember, choosing health often means letting go of habits or activities that no longer serve you. It’s not about deprivation—it’s about making room for joy, energy, and fulfillment. If you’re ready to make a change, here’s your homework: Choose ONE habit to focus on. Let everything else go for now. Break the habit into the tiniest steps possible. Put it on your calendar and set reminders. Celebrate each small win. These victories will reinforce your progress and keep you motivated. I’ve been in your shoes—overwhelmed, tired, and confused about how I’m supposed to be able to do it all. The key is to not do it all (at once). For me, it's taken years to transform my lifestyle, and I know this journey will continue for the rest of my life. But it's been so worth it. Each small step has made my life more easeful, more joyful, and more fulfilling. You have the rest of your life to figure this out. Start with one thing, break it down, and get into action. Build from there. Transformation begins with a single step. Whether it’s drinking more water, meditating one minute, or walking five minutes a day, every action matters. Over time, these small steps compound into a healthier, happier, more vibrant life. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection or speed. It’s progress. Take ownership of your health, embrace the journey, and celebrate each victory along the way. You’ve got this! My invitation to you Annnd all of this is easier said than done. It can be hugely beneficial to sit down with a coach to set aligned goals and plan out all the action steps you can take to build systems for easeful living into your life. If you're interested in exploring how we can work together to support you on your journey to a well life and living easefully, let's hop on a free 20-minute clarity call. On this call, we'll discuss your goals, your challenges, and whether or now Well-Life Coaching is the right support for you. |
AuthorHi! I'm Elaine and it is my joy to help purpose driven women find harmony between their desire to make a difference in the world and their need to nourish their body, mind, and spirit. Archives
January 2025
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