There’s a vision I hold for my life, and it no longer includes being remembered for being a martyr.
I don't want my children to grow up saying, “My mom was so strong because of everything she survived.” Instead, I would want them to say, “My mom was so happy, so peaceful. We had so much fun and love in our lives.” For as long as I can remember, I’ve operated in a state of doing, creating, making, and forcing—a very masculine energy that's aligned with capitalism and patriarchy. I’ve poured myself into every task, every dream, every attempt to build the life I desire. When I’m constantly in this energy, I end up feeling exhausted, dejected, and disillusioned because I’m so focused on things working out exactly the way I envision them, and that is a recipe for disappointment. When thing things I’m trying to create don’t come to fruition, I’m left questioning everything: Am I chasing the wrong things? Am I not worthy of the life I dream about? But when I pause and reflect, I see the truth: It’s not that nothing has worked out; it’s that life has been working for me in ways I didn’t initially recognize. Throughout my overachieving life that hasn't gone according to (my) plan, I’ve gained invaluable clarity. I’ve iterated on ideas, honed my vision, and learned what aligns with the life I want to experience and what doesn’t. Even though my business doesn't look exactly like I want it to or I haven’t found a loving partner (yet), I’ve been deeply supported in other ways. I’ve built and strengthened friendships, found the right place for me to live, gotten healthier, and just generally felt better about life. Through these experiences, I’ve realized that growth really about achieving—it’s about who we become in the process. And right now, I’m learning to embody a truth that I know on a soul level: We are all one, fully sourced and supported by a divine source, and guided toward our highest good when we allow it, no matter what is happening or not happening in our lives. So what does it mean to "allow"? Allowing isn’t about giving up or letting life happen to us. It’s about surrendering to the flow of life, trusting that the universe is conspiring in our favor, and making space for divine timing. Take driving in traffic as an example (some of my best analogies come to me while driving 🤣). Have you ever switched lanes repeatedly, trying to outsmart the flow, only to end up right next to the car you passed minutes ago? It can be maddening! Sometimes, the harder we try to control the outcome, the more stuck we feel. When we relax and trust that we’ll get to our destination, we conserve energy, reduce stress, and often arrive more peacefully. Life is like that traffic. Yes, we have agency to make choices, but when we overdo it—constantly switching lanes, questioning our path, or trying to force results—we end up feeling frustrated and disillusioned. Allowing doesn’t mean we stop moving altogether; it means we tune into what feels right, take intentional action, and trust the rest to unfold in the way and timing it’s meant to. As purpose-driven women, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overdoing. American society celebrates productivity, hustle, and achievement (all associated with masculine energy*). But the feminine energies* of allowing, receiving, and being are equally important, especially for those of us seeking to create lives filled with joy, ease, and love. (*A quick note on feminine and masculine energies: this isn't a comment on gender expression. We all have access to both energies and must embody them both for a balanced life.) For example, think about planting a garden. You can till the soil, plant seeds, and water them. But you can’t force the plants to grow. Growth happens in the quiet, unseen moments—when the seeds are allowed to rest, germinate, and be nourished by the earth. Your role is to create the conditions for growth and then trust the process. One of the challenges of allowing is that it feels counterintuitive in today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world. Social media pulls us into comparison mode, and our negativity bias (an ancient survival mechanism) tempts us to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right. But how can we cultivate practices that support us in allowing more, like mindfulness meditation and gratitude, without turning them into yet another to-do list item, which would be antithetical to the concept of allowing? Balance. While some structure is necessary to guide our focus, especially as we start out, true mindfulness (which is necessary in order to allow) arises from being present with what is. For instance, instead of forcing a daily gratitude practice, try simply pausing throughout your day to notice moments of joy or connection. Maybe it’s the warmth of your morning coffee, a kind word from a friend, or the way the sunlight filters through the trees. Gratitude doesn’t have to be written down or planned—it can be felt in real-time. Similarly, mindfulness can be woven into daily activities. Washing dishes can become a meditation on the sensation of water on your hands. Walking can become a practice of noticing the rhythm of your breath. Leave your headphones at home and allow yourself to be fully present to what you’re doing in the moment. These moments of presence help anchor you in the now, where peace and trust reside. Ultimately, allowing is about discerning when to act and when to let go. It’s knowing when to switch lanes and when to stay put. It’s trusting that even when the road feels slow, you’re still moving forward. So next time you’re stuck in traffic—literally or metaphorically—remember this: You don’t have to fight your way through. Choose your lane, trust the flow, and know that you’ll arrive exactly where you’re meant to be. Life isn’t a race; it’s a journey, and the beauty lies in the unfolding. By embracing the art of allowing, we can reclaim our peace, reconnect with the divine, and create lives filled with ease and alignment. Let’s stop forcing and start flowing. After all, the destination isn’t just where we’re headed—it’s how we feel along the way.
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AuthorHi! I'm Elaine and it is my joy to help purpose driven women find harmony between their desire to make a difference in the world and their need to nourish their body, mind, and spirit. Archives
January 2025
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